Healing prayers.

I shared this post in my support group today, and I  decided I would share it here also.  I have several Bible studies that I am in the middle of right now, and I hope I will be able to share those also, very soon!


We know that Easter is the time when we as Christians remember the death , burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Leading up to this day, I have been doing extra studying and reading in my Bible. We also have been having some discussions regarding prayer, and why perhaps God does not answer when we pray for healing. I was struck last night while reading the account of Jesus praying in the garden the night before His crucifixion. Luke 22:42 says, "Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me:nevertheless not my will, but thine be done." 
Now Jesus knew that what was coming must happen in order to bring Salvation to the world, but He prayed earnestly, for hours, sweating drops of blood all the while. If God were ever going to answer a prayer, it would surely be His own Son, who was pouring out such passion! And yet, we know that God had to say no to His Son's request, because Jesus' death would fulfill God's plan of Salvation! 
In a small way, I feel like we can apply this principle to our own prayers for healing. It may not be in God's plan for you to be healed right now. It may not be in His plan for you to be healed in the way you think. Perhaps you will be 'healed' by finding the right care plan for you. Perhaps you will be 'healed' by receiving a gastric stimulator which allows you to eat solid food again. Perhaps you will be 'healed' by finding a medication that eases your symptoms. I guess what I am trying to say is, don't give up hope, and don't lose faith. Jesus overcame death for us, but He first had to endure the suffering and humiliation of the cross.

Empty arms

Some days are easier than others. Some days I can smile and laugh, and pretend everything is okay. Some days are beautiful, serene, and peaceful. Some days are happy and full of fun. But I never forget.
I never forget the pain of losing our baby. I'll never forget how I felt when they told us the news. I'll never forget the pain in my husband's eyes as we cried together. I am reminded every day, nearly every minute, that my arms are empty;but then I am also reminded of how full my heart is.
My heart holds so many beautiful memories - I'll never forget the day we got the positive pregnancy test. I'll never forget hearing our baby's heartbeat. I'll never forget the joy in my husband's eyes when we talked about our baby.
There are reminders all around me. In the room we were going to use as the nursery is a tree I cut out of contact paper and stuck on the wall. It is horribly deformed and ugly, but over time, it has become a thing of beauty. It was supposed to be a prototype, just for practice, and I planned to do a 'real' one later. At first, I couldn't even look at it. I stacked boxes up in front of it, and tried not to think about it. As time has passed, I go in and look at it nearly every day, and run my hand over it. It is something tangible that reminds me that my baby was not just a fleeting thought.  He was a real, living person, a very important part of our family.
My arms are still empty for now. I know God has plans for our little family. Maybe someday, we will see an addition to our family, but maybe not. Either way, I know that God's plans are better than mine, because only He can see what the end will be.

An old post - Don't wait for happiness!

I actually wrote this blog post back in January, and never got around to posting it. I just came across it, and decided I would share it now:

“Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you are in now.”

I found this quote on Pinterest today, and it really made me stop and think. I tend to do this a lot. I am a planner, I plan everything – tomorrow, next week, next month. Right now I am looking ahead to February, when I will have my surgery, and hoping to get back to 'normal' life. I am waiting to feel better so we can start our family. I remember before I met my husband, I was 'waiting' for someone to come along, waiting for my life to begin. I realize now how much time I have wasted waiting for life, when I could have been living.

I really want to make the most of the moment I am in now. Maybe I don't feel great, but there are still beautiful moments to enjoy every day – I can greet my husband when he comes home, and be thankful that he does come home every day, and thankful that he has a job. When I feel well enough to eat something, I can enjoy it, even if it is just a few crackers. And then there are the good days, which do seem few and far between right now, but they still come. There are days that I feel great, and I don't want to waste those days. There are days when the sunshine makes me feel happy, even if it's cold outside. Sometimes there are warm days that seem to hint at the Spring that is slowly but surely coming closer.

I want to enjoy the time that my husband and I have alone, before we start our family. I have always wanted to have children, and I am still anxious to do that, but I know that the time is not right now. We have started looking into foster care and adoption, but I know we cannot take any children in until my health improves. So in this moment, I need to be thankful for the time we have together. We can be spontaneous, and just take off wherever we want right now. We won't have that freedom necessarily once we have children.

So to sum up, I'm not saying you should not plan for the future, but don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses' along the way. Let the housework go, and spend time with your husband and children.  Don't focus so much on your to-do list that you forget about the people around you. Don't just endure life - Enjoy it!!!!!

Another year

We always seem to start a new year with such high expectations.  A new year, a new month, a new week, a new day; each one holds such promise, such anticipation of what might be to come. One of my favorite quotes from L.M. Montgomery is “Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”   Of course, we have to include that caveat: no mistakes in it 'yet'. Because we know there will be mistakes, there is no doubt of that. I cannot think of a single day in my life that did not include a mistake,  even those rare days that I would classify as 'perfect'.  How comforting it is to know that we can start each day, each week, each month, each year over again, with a brand-new, clean slate.
 ^"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23King James Version (KJV)
No matter what we did yesterday, God forgives us over and over again.  Each and every time, He wipes the slate clean, and gives us another chance. We can start each day knowing that what we did yesterday, our failures and shortcomings, are not held over our heads. God does not throw our wrong-doings up in our faces, or remind us of them over and over. What mercy He shows us, when we do not deserve it!

My amazing husband!

Wow. I really do not do well at keeping up with this blog! I think now that I seem to be doing better health-wise, I will try my best to devote more time to writing. Of course, I've said that before!!!!

I really like to write about my thoughts. Sometimes, I will start mulling over a topic in my mind, and it just stays there for a few days. It keeps coming back over and over again, and I feel that is God's way of telling me it is something important. All too often, I just keep pushing it aside, because I tell myself that I am too busy to devote the time to writing down my thoughts.

In an attempt to remedy this situation, I want to share my latest topic of thought with you. Over the years, I have heard many messages preached about the home, especially how the husband should be a picture of Christ in the home. Here's how my mind works: In thinking about this subject, it occurred to me that I have the perfect example right in front of me - my husband!! Now, before anyone tries to argue with me, I am not saying my husband is perfect. He is human, after all! But the story of how we met, and our life together so far is a beautiful example and picture of the way Christ loves and cares for us.

Let me try to explain: When we are lost, it is often compared to being blind, stumbling around in the dark, trying to find our own way. In addition, sin is sometimes compared to a disease or an illness, for which we cannot find a cure. We try all kinds of things on our own - we might go to church, we try to do good deeds, we might even try to pray and read the Bible, in an effort to make ourselves 'feel' better, but underneath it all, we still suffer from the effects of sin.

When I first met my husband, I was already experiencing some health issues. I had been to the doctor, had a lot of tests run, and they hadn't really found anything wrong.  Shortly after that, I realized that I was having trouble with my vision, and I went to have that checked out. The news was not good - I had Diabetic Retinopathy. I would need to receive Laser treatments and have surgery on both eyes, and they could not tell me how much of my vision I would retain after all of this.  Steve and I met online, and we had been corresponding by email, and then by phone, but we had not yet met in person. I remember the day that I told him over the phone about my various issues. I honestly thought after that conversation, that I might not hear from him again. That's a lot to deal with, and I really would not have blamed him if we wanted to turn and run the other way!

Surprisingly, he did call back. Again and again! I asked him about it after we were married, if he had second thoughts because of those problems, and he said he never even thought about it. We finally met for the first time the day before Thanksgiving. He drove all the way from Tennessee to Iowa just to be able to meet me. He stayed for the weekend, and made the drive back on Monday. I went to work that Monday, and that was the day I decided I could no longer work, since my vision was getting so bad. My plan was to return to work at some point, but that never happened, and I am actually on disability now because I am considered legally blind. My first eye surgery was scheduled for December 17, and Steve wanted to be there for it. I think that was when I knew he was the one! He spent the week after surgery at our house, patiently waiting while I spent a lot of time sleeping (anesthesia really knocks me out!) Every time I woke up, he was there, sitting on the couch across from me.

So, here's how the two stories come together and parallel: When my husband married me, I was sick and blind, but he loved me in spite of it all. He didn't have to,  He wanted to. He helps me every step of the way. He guides me when I cannot see the path ahead of me. He holds me and comforts me when I am sick or hurting.
When Jesus saved me, I was sick and blind from sin, but He loved me in spite of it all. He didn't have to, He wanted to.  He helps me every step of the way. He guides me when I cannot see the path ahead of me. He holds me and comforts me when I am sick or hurting.

I am so blessed to have my husband in my life. I truly do not know how I would survive without him. His faith and love are both so strong, and he encourages me to be stronger as well.

You are not alone

I've been thinking about Noah lately.

Sometimes as Christians, we can feel isolated and lonely. There are tines when you may feel that you are the only one trying to do right. I remember times as a teenager when I felt our family was just so different from everyone else. Not only were there eight of us, which most people think is crazy, but we were Christians also. There were a lot of times that we were members of very small churches, and it was easy to feel alone.

Now that I am an adult, it's easier to fight that lonely feeling, but sometimes, it still pops up. A few days ago, I was thinking about Noah and his family. They literally WERE the only ones trying to live right and follow God! They spent years building an ark, while all their neighbors ridiculed them. They didn't have friends to visit with, or a church family to pray for them. I'm sure that was difficult, to say the least! I just marvel at their faithfulness. The Bible goes not tell us if Noah or an of his family ever doubted or questioned what they were doing, but I can't help thinking that they did. They were human, after all, just like us! The important thing to remember, is that, even if they did have doubts, they never gave up on God. Maybe they had to pray every day and ask God to remove the doubt and fear, but they got up every day and kept working.  That is an encouragement to me, to keep going for God everyday!

When the Proverbs 31 woman might as well be Wonder Woman

All my life, I've been taught that the woman described in Proverbs 31 is the ultimate standard for a wife and mother. She has been studied and preached about probably millions of times. Chances are, if you go to any church on Mother's Day, you will hear about her. And rightfully so. She is an amazing example of womanhood.

So, what do you do when this example seems impossible to live up to? I think a lot of women might feel this way from time to time, but I am specifically referring to someone in my situation: someone dealing with a chronic illness. I'm not complaining or whining, or even trying to make excuses,  just sharing my personal experiences. Some days, I can't even get out of bed. Other days, I get up and sit in a chair, but that's all I can handle. Then there are some good days, when I can do a little bit of housework. It's hard to see my house looking far less than perfect. When we were first married, I kept a clean house, made a home-cooked meal every night, and had extra time for craft projects.

I'm learning to accept my limitations. I'm trying to learn to adjust to a lack of energy, and feeling of fatigue. I'm trying to realize there are days that I just need to rest, even though I have so much to do. It's not easy sometimes - I am a perfectionist, and some days, I feel literal pain to see how I am not keeping up with  things the way I would like.

I'm trying not to be a discouragement here! I know at times I feel it's hopeless, but I won't give up trying to live  up to her example. After all, as Christian's, our goal is to be Christ-like. I KNOW none of us can achieve that, but that does not mean we should not try! As long as I have any strength at all, I will keep giving my best to my family, and praying for the additional strength that I need.