One Year Later

So, I just realized that it was almost exactly one year ago that I got the news that will forever impact my life.  News that shook me, that bent and shaped who I am today, but did not break me, although at times I sure thought it would!
It was one year ago that I was told that I was losing my vision. I remember when I left the specialist's office, I was under the impression that I would most likely lose all my vision, and if I retained any part of my eyesight, I would be lucky. I remember struggling to hold back tears as I told my mom what he said. I already knew it wasn't good. I had stopped driving, and I was struggling at work, but it was such a shock to have my worst fears confirmed.
In the days that followed, I researched and read as much as I could about my condition. I started to find things that said 80% of cases of Retinopathy can be treated.  I came to learn that the doctor did not have the best 'bedside manner' and his way of speaking always made things seem a little worse than they really were!
It's been a difficult year, to say the least! I had to quit working, I had to quit doing all the things I loved.  I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do, and a lot more things I was terrified of doing.  I had surgeries, I had shots in my eyes, I had laser treatments in my eyes. I had to depend on other people a whole lot, and I've had to deal with people accusing me of being lazy because of things I still cannot do.  All of these things have made me the person I am.  Because of all these things, I am strong, I am brave, and I am content.
If my eyes never get any better, I know I can handle it, because I know I have people I can depend on, but most of all, I have a Heavenly Father I can depend on.  There were days of such darkness, physically and spiritually, and the only thing I could do on those days was pray.  And yes, there were days when I cried out and said "Why me?"  And there were even days when I felt completely alone, like everyone, including God, had just forgotten me. I know now that God had answered my cry of "Why me" but I was not ready to listen yet.  Because God used all these trials to bring me not only closer to Him, but to bring me to where He wanted me to be. Where He wanted me was not necessarily a place I would have chosen for myself, so He used my circumstances to change me.
It reminds me so much of the song "O Glorious Love."  The song begins with the line, "In my darkness Jesus found me, Touched my eyes and made me see."  All year, I've been waiting for God to literally 'touch my eyes and make me see' and I know He could do it. But He chose not to, and I thank Him for that. It may sound silly, but I am glad that everything happened exactly the way it did. I can give glory to God because He brought me through this valley. I could have given God glory if He had healed me immediately, but would I have? That's a tough question to ask myself, because I'm not sure I can answer "Yes."  I would have said "Praise the Lord" but I think I would have just resumed my normal life, and forgotten it. Now, I have scars that will remind me every day of how good God is. For the rest of my life, I will never forget  this year, and I truly hope and pray that I can be used to help someone else.